Saturday, 11 February 2017

Valentines day love...hahaaaa



1
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'
'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'
Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'

         

2
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, but they had an Apple.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?

          

3
One morning Emma woke up with a start.  Her husband Jim asked what was the matter, she told him, "I just had a dream that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight," Jim said.
That evening, Jim home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, Emma opened it - only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

          

4
Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.' 
The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?'
Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.' 
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address.  She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'